Make that Group Text Support Group
Be selfish. Lean into support. Make it about you.
Let’s face it, group texts can be a lot…
the constant dings when someone or something is popping off and you forgot to turn off notifications;
a long inactive group suddenly at the top of your messages because someone randomly remembers it exists;
way too much group think or inputs when trying to make a decision;
someone getting offended because they are or aren’t part of a text group; or
someone hijacking a group and deciding to use it in a ways that make you scratch your head and want to figure out how to leave without being noticed.
AND group texts can be magical or effective or both!
They also are a GREAT way to play with being “selfish”, asking for, and receiving support, especially for women.
The key: EXPLICIT CLEAR PURPOSE and enforcing boundaries in service of the purpose.
When I was moving through big transitions & the longest dark night of my soul, a group text unexpectedly became a lifeline & cemented in my psyche the potency of explicit, visible group support.
When I moved to Asheville in 2021, there were three women I was closest to, and none of them in the same location as me. These women were part of the small (yet growing) group of people aware of my being a secret mistress and had a front row seat to my healing journey as I navigated rebuilding my life, starting to date, and create a new life in a new city where I didn’t know anyone.
As soon as I moved to Asheville, I knew I was where I needed to be. I loved the area & wanted everyone to experience it. So a few months post arrival and several months out from my birthday, I was inspired to invite these three women to come to Asheville for my birthday weekend. We would co-create a retreat together. While over the course of my friendship with each of them individually, they had heard the names of the other two and two of them even worked together through my introduction, none of them shared the depth of friendship or intimacy I had with them individually, nor had they ever been in a room together.
I put them in the same (digital) room. To support the planning of this retreat weekend, 4 months prior, I created a text group called “Me and my GFs” (cue song) for us to connect & bounce ideas off each other as inspiration struck. I got the named purpose of the group wrong, but the group name right…
Instead of having to text each of them individually with updates, asking for support, or being witnessed in real time with whatever was on my heart and mind while in the depths of my healing journey from abuse, I began to put it in the group.
The impact: it felt easier for each of them to show up for me.
When one person didn’t know how to or didn’t have capacity to respond, someone else did. Collectively there was more capacity and resource available to support me. Bonus: they got to know each other as folks shared anecdotes from their life as support for me, and responded to my questions for input.
Me and my gfs became a lifeline and a witnessed diary (for this Leo Rising and Moon). A place for me to seen, process, and receive.
As my support system expanded and deepened, especially IRL in Asheville, and my friendships with each of the women shifted with time, I started needing and using Me and my GFs less. Other spaces emerged for me and as my support system expanded, in recent years I’ve found myself writing a message in one place & then copying and pasting to others.
But this week that changed again.
This weekend, I am heading into another big initiation through the form of a retreat / training. Meeting big edges.
While I am much more resourced and capable than I was 4 years ago when I first created Me and my GFs. I’ve also deepened my capacity to ask for and receive support, and am unapologetic about having an abundance of support with many layers. So another group was created - Heena Initiation Support Group.
This time an explicit purpose:
a single place to share, be witnessed, and access support from my beloved sisters through the week of my initiation.
And clarity of who is in the group:
beloved sisters who are excited for me to meet the edges through this particular initiation, have offered their support, and who I want to be witnessed & supported by in my vulnerability.
The ask clear with a clear out to leave the group if anyone is not able or willing at time with no hard feelings but rather love and appreciation for them & their honoring of themselves.
I know that I have an abundance of human and non-human support, AND there is something incredibly supportive of having some of the layers of support I have been so clearly tangible and visible through this group.
Invitation: Be selfish. Create that group text that is all about you and your needs.
Yes it’s vulnerable, but leading with vulnerability is powerful.
Yes, we need spaces for collective support and the connective tissue between us also gets strengthened in a collective when a group comes together with willingness & consent to support one person.
So go create that group text that is all about you, and let me know if you do!